Last night I dreamed I was traveling down south somewhere, someplace with white eyelet curtains, artsy murals on random brick buildings, and 70+ degree weather. My dad was there, and a whole bunch of women I didn't recognize, but who all seemed to know me. I was lounging on a bean bag chair when I realized I was in labor. My dad and I looked at my stomach, and we could see, clearly delineated, little tiny hands and feet pushing out against my belly. Except that there were four hands and three feet! "I guess there really are twins in there," I mused. Looking around the room, I saw a strange inflatable pool-looking thing and realized it was a birthing tub. "This is awesome!" I exclaimed, and in walks Sue. Oh yeah, I realized, I'm in the South, she probably just drove over!
So here I am in a completely strange place, the only man in sight is my Dad, who happens to be a Doctor, and I'm in labor hundreds of miles away from the place I had planned to give birth. It doesn't hurt at all, no pain, but I can feel the babies sort of pushing, trying to get out. All these women around me seemed totally prepared, and they busied themselves about the room preparing to help me give birth. And all the while I can see two babies pushing tiny hand and footprints into my abdomen.
I wondered if I had time-traveled? Women birthed this way all the time several hundred years ago. This was all there was. I wasn't nervous, or scared, or even really anxious. I watched all this happening to me and around me with interest, like an observer.
I know this dream was brought on by the odd number of people - mostly strangers - who are convinced I'm having twins because I'm "SO big!." I tell them I've had three ultrasounds and we've only seen one baby in there, and they look confused. Also my mind has been on giving birth lately, since I'm being followed closely by my medical team. They seem to feel that I'm at risk for pre-term labor. I'm going in for another ultrasound and examination tomorrow morning to see if the "risk" has progressed or if I'm just doing things my own way. (My bet is on the latter.)
Slam is throwing me a shower in two weeks, and I am just PRAYING that this snow will be melting and the weather will be just a TOUCH warmer. Like, in the mid to upper 40's, maybe even the 50's. I'd like some early spring, just for that day. Is that so much to ask? I want to wear this red wrap dress I've been saving for the spring, in a thinner jersey knit. Just for those few hours, I want to wear normal shoes! With heels! I want to embody forward-thinking and positivity, and the rosy future that I am so excited about. I will sit down as much as possible, I will have someone drive me to and from the pub, and in general behave myself according to Doctor's orders, but by the goddess I want to look good doing it. I've been living in pajamas and flip-flops for too long, and I have to admit, it's starting to get to me!
My Mom and I talk almost every day. She is flying out for the shower and will be staying here at the apartment. We are so excited to have some free time together, without jobs or other obligations! I TiVoed an episode of Biography that's about the Nelson family (as in Ozzie, Harriet, David, Ricky, and the rest of the clan), since I know she was a big Ricky Nelson fan back in the day. I want to bring her to the local french bakery for lunch, and the pretty coffee shop across the street. And of course she's looking forward to some snuggles from Marge.
I haven't had a whole lot of visitors during these weeks of "restricted activity," so to see my friends and family laughing and noshing at my favorite place with pretty "It's a Girl!" decorations all around is going to be very good for my soul.
Most of all, I'm hoping that somehow, my baby will pick up on the vibe that this whole party is because of HER, that these people are here because SHE IS COMING, and that she will somehow, on some level, begin to understand how wanted and welcome she is. Even if the only people at this shower are my Mom, Slam, and me, there will be so much love and excitement in the air, and I want my baby to feel that, even now, even this early, still in my womb.
We are in the home stretch now! As of Friday I will be 32 weeks along. Once I get to 37 weeks, I'll be ready for delivery. That's only 5 weeks away! During those five weeks G and I will be taking Lamaze classes and an Infant Care class. Next thing I know it will be Passover, and I'll have the hospital bag packed and ready to go! I'm hoping someone invites us for Passover this year... I highly doubt I'll have the strength to prepare a meal this year.
It's probably clear that I'm just one big bundle of anticipation these days. It's a great feeling, a great place to be.