Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Thanks, Grandpa

Originally uploaded by MzOuiser.

After two years, I have finally gotten my inheritance. This is my Grandpa's piano, which I wrote extensively about here. It's a Winter Company instrument, dating back to the 1950's or 1960's. My gut tells me it's about 1958, but I'm really not sure.

The Virgo in me would like to have it appraised. I checked the Blue Book of Pianos, and it was encouraging. The musician in me would like to have it tuned and repaired (there is one broken string). But the granddaughter in me is simply happy to have it here.

Inside the piano bench, I found a lyric sheet. The songs are In a Shanty in Old Shantytown, Smiles, I'll Be With You in Apple Blossom Time, GoodNight Sweetheart, Tip-Toe Through the Tulips With Me, Memories, When Day is Done, and a medley of Bicycle Built for Two, Put on Your Old Grey Bonnet and I'm Just Wild About Mary, which is clearly a feminization of I'm Just Wild About Harry. Considering my Grandmother's name was Mary, I'll bet this got a lot of play.

I don't know most of those songs, but I'm looking for CD's of them today. I so wish I had the time to really write my feelings about all of this. Maybe I'll come back to it.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Pride Week 2006

The Fourth Universalist Society' Annual Gay Pride Service
Sunday, June 25th, 11:00 AM
Central Park West at 76th Street.
Guest Vocalist: MzOuiser!

I am honored to have been asked to sing at my church's annual Gay Pride Service. I'll be singing "Virginia Woolf" by the Indigo Girls. The sermon will be given by one of our lay ministers, an absolutely awesome guy who dressed as Queen Elizabeth (with a full beard) last year. My regular accompanist, Mr. Ray Burghart, will be regaling us with his incredible piano playing.

This year the theme is "The Gay Ghetto" - it's the idea that while recognition of homosexuality has come a long way, there are still so many people who regard it as something that they don't want to be near. "Ok, you can have your gay rights - as long as it's not in my neighborhood. Or near my family." I'm sure the gay marriage issue will be addressed - a blatant example of those not-as-understanding-as-they-sound people stopping a buck THERE.

If anyone's interested, my church really isn't a church. You won't hear much (especially on this day) about God and stuff. It's really more of a lecture hall, and the focus is on social responsibility. So any of you not so much down with religion, but who might like to hear me sing, not to mention relax in a 150-year old stone and stained glass building on Central Park West, please, come on down and have some coffee.

I've written about homophobia before on this blog, and about bigotry in general before. I'm not so much of a flag-waver for any cause, but my feelings are strong, and I'm feeling especially proud to be part of this week.

After the service, I'll be tripping downtown to PrideFest, and hoping to see some pals there.

Pink Sands and Pina Coladas

I'm off to Bermuda for the next five days. Pics to follow.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Ruminations at the Close of my Second Semester

I cannot BELIEVE how fast the last nine months have flown by.

My official final exam scores:

100% on my Massage Practical
96% on my written test on Pathology for Massage Therapists (I didn't study AT ALL and I'm amazed I did this well!)
100% on my Anatomy test
103% on my Kinesiology Test (Extra Credit!)


I've completed all my required clinic shifts and performed one Community Service - I joined a group of my fellow students giving free 10-minute massages to tired bikers and walkers at the end of the walk/run/ride for the American Cancer Society.

If I were in the New Jersey program, I'd be done... but no, I had to get licensed for New York. So I have four more months of classes and clinics. No big deal. The irritating people in my class are all graduating and hopefully I will NEVER have to see them or hear their voices again.

I will miss some of them though. There was talk last night about a get-together in a month or so, after everyone gets back from our respective vacations, but I'm not really holding my breath. I might try and see one or two people for lunch or something, but I know how these things go, and I highly doubt I'll see any of these folks again. That's kind of sad.

Then again, who knows? Maybe we'll run into each other in a professional capacity. One of my classmates has already opened a spa and invited me to work there. So we'll see. And this is one of the cool people.

I went out for dinner last night with five of my classmates and my Anatomy teacher. We had a lot of mexican appetizers and too many margaritas, but we also got to really talk. My teacher told me I have a gift, and that it's my destiny to become a doctor. I have heard this before and I laugh it off. I have SO many reasons why I'm not interested in Medical School. For one, I like to sleep too much. But this guy was adamant. "One of these days," he said, "When you have a stethoscope hanging around your neck, in Namibia, you'll think of me!"

Namibia! Talk about liberal Florence Nightingale fantasies. Who wouldn't love to join Doctors Without Borders? There are SO many places in the world where a person could help make a difference...

OH STOP. I want to have babies! I want a condo and yearly vacations to warm places! I want to make a record! I'm JUST A MASSAGE THERAPIST.

If only I had had teachers like him when I was in college, when I was 20, and had my whole youth ahead of me. All those years I spent floundering... If only someone like him had taken an interest in me then.

Nowadays, it's really almost a cruel tease. I know I'm smart. I know I could probably still do almost anything with my life. But I don't feel that something as big as Medical School.. I honestly feel like it's too late. I'm going to be 35 this year and I'm desperately in love with my fiancee and the life we're talking about building together. I've been in student loan debt for ten years. I'm going to be for another few years. I've had too many lean years - I'm DYING for some fat ones. I hate that it's taken me this long to feel like my life is really getting started.

This line of thought is going in a really dangerous place.

I'm kind of angry at my teacher for being so encouraging. I'm really happy, dammit. At least, I'm as happy as I think I can be. I know I have to make choices in my life. It's only the rarest of people who don't have to choose between family and career. I just can't lose that frightening thought that, for the rest of my life, I'm going to wonder what I might have been capable of. I have no idea how far my potential lies. I have no idea what it would take to reach it.

What if I had gone to more auditions?

Everyone says it's not too late. But you don't live in South Nyack, and you aren't planning a wedding. Not to mention still being 20 gand in student loan debt, and some other debt to boot.

I guess I've had it with hearing people tell me what I could do, and then walk away from me, leaving me to do it all by myself.

Not too long ago, I attended a sort of group therapy session with a bunch of women who were all going through transitions. (At the time, mine was divorce.) I told the story of my professional life to the group, how close I had come to so many things, then one little thing just never happened. "You keep slipping through the cracks," the therapist said. Nobody else could think of anything to say to me. "That sucks," said the woman who owns two designer boutiques.

All I see when I look at Medical School is a long, steep road with one of the highest tolls in the country... that's split with more cracks than terrazo flooring.

I'm just too tired to take any more of those risks.

I think, maybe, that's what sucks most of all.

Monday, June 12, 2006

My Job as a Dog Continues

I can't escape.

My contract was for eight weeks. It's been eleven.

They know I'm going on vacation for two weeks. They want me to come back after.

If I wasn't such a lady, I'd pee on the carpet.

Friday, June 09, 2006


I do one of these, like once a year, so here ya go. I got this one in an email.

If you wanna play, change all the answers so that they apply to you and post it accordingly.

1. FIRST NAME? Deidre

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Deirdre of the Sorrows was Queen of Ireland for a short period of time, around four thousand years ago. She's known for singing about death and betrayal, jumping into graves, being in a really sad mood all the time, and killing herself by jumping off a cliff. She was also said to be so beautiful that every man who looked upon her was willing to kill to get close to her. I could write a 20-page dissertation on this, but really, aren't you bored already?

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? This morning, because the toaster wasn't working properly. That doesn't count though, because I'm SO menstrual right now. Cry for a real reason - oh dear. I can't remember. I'm sure it hasn't been too long. This is amazing. I'm so used to being depressed. Damn, this is some good hot cocoa.

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Why? What's wrong with it? And what difference does it make since I type 55 words per minute? I write fine. Just fine.

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Braunschweiger. Also known as liverwurst. With hot mustard... Mmmm...

6. KIDS? Someday! I'll get around to it! Geesh, I'm 35! I'm getting married in February! STOP PRESSURING ME!!!

7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Shit yeah, I'm fun, and I pick up the tab a lot.

8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Worse. I have a blog.

9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Who me? Nawwwww.

10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? No. Why? Do you want them? Should I have donated them? Could I have sold them? Shit, what happened to those things?

11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Oh please. I don't need to. I drive in New Jersey, which is all the death-defying thrill anyone needs.

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Apple Jacks. No, wait, I mean Kashi Heart Smart. Yeah. Or Grape Nuts. Love them Grape Nuts. With lots of sugar.

13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Tie? What, like laces? Do they still make shoes like that?

14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Internally, I'm a heavyweight champ. Physically, I get rather worn out stirring my coffee. Massage school is helping with that. I brushed my teeth the other night and was able to stand afterward.

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Breyer's Mint Cholcolate Chip. The ice cream with integrity. No artificial coloring needed.

16. SHOE SIZE? Eight, like 80% of the women in this country, and they are always sold out. Everywhere.

17. RED OR PINK? Black.

18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? The ridiculously high standards to which I hold myself, ensuring near-constant disappointment and self-flagellation.

19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My Grandmothers.

20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? No. I can't take the pressure. I might not have time to read them all! I don't want to slight anyone!

21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? As Gina said: Black, dammit. We work in New York.

22. LAST THING YOU ATE? Chocolate pudding.

23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The hum of the air-conditioner. It's a tomb in here.


25. FAVORITE SMELL? Sorry, it took a while to stop laughing at this one. Hm, I'd say I'm happier in the absence of odour.
A nicer reply would be my Mom's cooking.



28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I love Gina! She's an absolute doll. She's also gorgeous and I wish to g-d I had a straight male friend to hook her up with.

29. FAVORITE DRINK? Oh, how can I choose? My favorite single malts are Bushmill's 16-year, Glenmorangie's 21 year, and Glenlivet's French Oak Finish. My favorite wine is Chateau Lafayette Reneau's Dry Reisling.

30. FAVORITE SPORT? To play? Maybe Tennis, or Swimming. To watch? Basketball.

31. EYE COLOR? Brown

32. HAT SIZE? Oh PLEASE. I don't look. If I need it, and it fits I buy it. I don't want to know how swollen my head is.

33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No... but colored ones intrigue me

34. FAVORITE FOOD? Eggplant, especially Italian (parmesan) or Chinese (garlic sauce).
35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Both! Depends on my mood.

36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AT THE MOVIE THEATRE? Da Vinci code. Stick with the book.

37. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? I'm currently featuring a lovely green-and-purple floral sweater with a matching scarf from Ann Taylor.

38. SUMMER OR WINTER? I hate being cold and I hate bugs. So I don't care, because I'm staying indoors.

39. HUGS OR KISSES? Sex, please.

40. FAVORITE DESSERT? As Gina said: Something chocolate!

41. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? You never know who's going to pick up on these things. Dantallion seems to be into memes lately, although this one is pretty lame.

42. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? ...Zzzz... I'm sorry, next question?

43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? "A Storm of Swords" by some guy with the middle initials "R.R." This may be an homage to Tolkein, although his writing, in my estimation, is far more entertaining.

44. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Nothing. It's solid black.

45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Oh, isn't that cute. Someone assumes we all spend our evenings watching TV. I'm busy, people. I don't get home until Midnight. Then I sleep. The last thing I watched was the Sopranos last Sunday night.

46. FAVORITE SOUNDS? My cat purring.

47. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? For starters, there was more than one Stone. And I prefer the Eagles. And the Pretenders.

Well. I guess I should work or something now.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Resolution: Self-Care

For breakfast yesterday morning, I had 1/2 a grapefruit, a small carton of skim milk, and a slice of wheat toast with low-fat cream cheese.

That's right, for the first time in the better part of a year, possibly longer, I ate something other than peanut butter on toast for breakfast. And I SKIPPED THE COFFEE.

I feel ok. Not great, but not bad either.

I got that breakfast meal directly off the Weight Watchers website. For lunch I had a small spread of egg salad on a wrap and some vegetable soup. For dinner it was Lean cuisine. Tomorrow I renew my gym membership.

I bought three new swimsuits, and you know what? I don't look that great in any of them. I don't look disgusting, as I am reasonably well-built, but I'm certainly not winning any bikini contests here. The truth is, I look far better with more clothes on than less. This is not something I'm used to. This must change. It's summer, and I tend to dress rather skimpy when it's hot. Right now, looking in the mirror… I'm not liking what I see.

I determinedly attended the GB:NY3 gathering last Friday night, in spite of horrific traffic from work, slow trains, pouring rain, a broken umbrella which I threw in the trash long before I made it to the bar, and underneath it all some residual sniffles and hacking from the sinusitis that knocked me out the previous weekend. I am so glad I went, as I got to actually talk to some bloggers I hold dear to my heart. I got some good girl-talk with Tuna Girl over being engaged. The brilliant Mike B was there, and the near-celebrity Joe! I got lots of snuggles from Jase (always therapeutic!), and I caught a quick kiss from MAK and the pond-hopping Bob (who arrived just as I was leaving!) I got to catch up with Kieran and my dear friend Frank, snapped funny photos with Mark and Brian and Crash and Patrick, and got to touch Palochi's chest. Ok, it was just his silk shirt, but hey, I'm a straight girl, and I was soaking wet. (From the RAIN.) I saw Glenn and his sweetie Derek for the first time in >gasp< two years. And I met some awesome new bloggers as well.

Seeing people I dig is good for me. I wish I could have done more of that on Saturday, but my sniffles were out of control. I must resolve to socialize more... somehow. Even G encourages me to go out with my girlfriends and gayfriends, reminding me how glad I am every time I come home, full of stories about what everyone was wearing, and who's groping who, and what vile concoction we all were drinking, and much I've missed my buds. This is a part of the picture as well.

Today, I've only eaten half a cup of coffee and a whole-grain toaster waffle. I woke up with a pounding headache, and had to "Lie it out" in the dark until about an hour ago. Migraine. So I guess I'm having those again. I was six years without them... so they're back. Oddly, the specter of having migraines back in my life doesn't really phase me. Dental surgery and stuff is far more daunting. That's still on the horizon.

I've been wrist-slapped by my doctor, my friends, my mother, my teachers, and my classmates about not taking care of myself recently. They're right. Maybe now, as this heinous job is ending, and my second semester is also ending, I can commit to some health basics, at least for a few weeks. Hopefully for the summer. Longer?

Better not bite off more than I can chew.

After all, I can see - right there in my bikini bottoms - where that's gotten me.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Something to Think About on 06-06-06

The hype has become boring.

Check out this interesting historical theory - 666 may stand for the Roman Emporer Nero - a pretty evil guy who persecuted Jews and Christians alike.

Not Scripture - politics!

(Courtesy of Wikipedia)

As a practicing neo-pagan who is walking a path toward conversion to Judaism, I find this day to be... forgettable. Seriously. I forgot what day it was. I was reminded by the flashing date on my phone when I checked my voicemail at the office.

Have a nice day, y'all.

Friday, June 02, 2006


A Little More Than Last Year
Originally uploaded by MzOuiser.
Thankfully I know where to get one. Or six.

See ya soon boyz. Tuna - order me a double!