Worse than PMS, but not warranting Paxil

I just posted a scathing rant against the lottery in Riye's comments. I'm not usually this grouchy. yes, I'm PMSing... but something else is in the air too.

My recent post about harrassment in New York: Negative. Hopeful, and satisfying in seeing the steps I've taken to deal with this aspect of life, but overall, not exactly an "ain't life grand" type of post.

I'm getting more and more involved in this company where I'm currently temping. It's causing me to have horrible flashbacks to my last job, including really awful things I said at a couple of meetings that made everybody think I was clearly nuts, and likely hiding something. (Like the astonishing depths of my hatred for that company.) I shudder at the memories. I literally feel a physical urge to jump out of my chair and sprint a few laps around the cubicles. My typing right now is an effort to calm that physical urge. At least I can let my fingers sprint.

My roommate stalked out of the house this morning and left without saying a word or even a grunt. Yes, after all these months, she's *still* playing the walking wounded, and not speaking to me. It's really unimaginable how enormously stupid her behavior is. When I'm home alone, I catch myself cursing her out, and I'm not sure why. Maybe I just don't like Passive Aggressive Whiners?

I've used the phrase "What's wrong with these people?" and the word "bitch" far too much over the last couple of weeks. In a variety of settings and in reference to a variety of people.

I have no desire to cook. I am craving rich, heavy, fattening foods. Cheesecake. Wine. Rum. Cuban food. Roast Chicken and Plantains. Chili with melted cheese. Fish and Chips. For the love of GOD I bought Guacamole Doritos two days ago. WHAT is the matter with me? I would like to KEEP OFF that 16 pounds I purposefully shed. I am destroying my Weight Watchers plan.

Oh, and since the PAW decided to confiscate her DVD player, I can't play my workout videos anymore, so I sit on my ass far too much. She moved it into her bedroom for her personal use. This is her style of telling me non-verbally how much she hates me and wishes I would die.

Roomie has been a PAW ever since late September, but my attitude problem has only going on for the last 2 - 3 weeks. Oh... wait a minute... yeah.

Shit. Not again.

I'm suffering from SAD. I get this every year, and every winter, I forget that I get it every year. I go through a few weeks of feeling like my PMS button is stuck in the ON position, and then I realize "Oh yeah... the sun is gone, and it's freezing."

I tend to hibernate in the winters. My friends have a very hard time getting me to come out. I go to work, and that's it. The grocery store is two blocks away and seems like 10 miles when it's dark and cold.

So Jon, I hope you're not offended... if so, please accept my apology. I'm glad to hear somebody who isn't already a millionaire won something off those scratchy tickets. The only time I ever knew someone had won a scratch game, it was the father of this bitch I knew in high school. He was a surgeon who lived on the Wealthy West Side of my hometown. Why the hell are surgeons buying lotto tickets? Is that gambling addiction or a really special kind of bored?

But I digress. And there's that b-word again.

When I get home from work tonight, I'm going to do my laundry, and then write about SAD in depth.

Disclaimer: Unless I get too depressed/annoyed/listless/restless to do anything other than read other people's blogs. But I really hope that doesn't happen.