I have Something to Say

Let me rephrase what I said in my previous entry: a few of the people in my life who I call friends have at times called me a fanatic. Usually a liberal fanatic.

I strongly believe that one of the best parts of American Freedom is the right to live our lives the way we see fit. Sometimes it's all we can do to simply get our laundry and taxes done and keep food on the table. Activism isn't for everyone. It's our right as Americans to choose how involved we want to be. It's ok if you never send a check to anyone, if you can't afford it. It's ok if you never attend a rally, if between your famly and your job you're worn out by Saturday. I don't have a problem with people who take care of their own.

The problem is when these people start putting down people like me for being so activistic.

What's wrong, are you jealous? Do I make you feel guilty? Does that make it ok for you to put down what's important to me while I'm standing in front of you? Is your pride worth sacrificing our friendship? Because that's what's happening.

I've been sitting on this for a long time. As I said, I have a few friends like this... and they are very similar types of people. However, I am increasingly disgusted with them.

These people are white, straight, thin, well-educated, and have never known hunger or poverty in their lives. They have never been deeply in debt, they have never had to rely on public transportation, and they have never been anywhere near homeless. They have always had health insurance. They come from divorce-free, drug-free families - and I'm not just talking illegal drugs.

These are not rich people, they're middle class, which makes this even more disgusting. If they were from gated mansions and had never seen a Wal-Mart before, I might be able to excuse their complete indifference to the plight of others. But they're not. They have gay friends, black friends, and friends who never went to college. They have family members without health insurance. I can't figure out if they think they are immune, or if they are too afraid to risk being treated the way they treat me.

I'm white, but I prefer blues and hip-hop to anything else on the radio right now. I'm a girl, but I love cars, motorcycles, whisky, and being on top. I'm straight, but I have a CD collection full of Indigo Girls and country music, and I prefer cowboy boots and drinking beer out of the bottle. I'm not Jewish, and don't plan on converting, but I have no problem sending my kids to Hebrew school, if I marry a Jewish man and that's what he wants. I'm... well, I don't know why it's so surprising to my friends that I have no qualms about hanging in a gay bar. Maybe it's because I'm not bothered by the idea that I might be mistaken for gay.

People, in general, don't scare me anymore.

But I digress. This post is about people who find out I see things differently than they do, and decide that since we are such close friends, this gives them the right to make fun of me to my face about it, or worse, put down whatever it is I like that they don't.

To all of you, fuck off.

If you can't respect the way I feel or what I like, and keep your damn judgements to yourself, then I am no longer your friend. I'm cutting your power cord. You see, I've figured you out. You like to say that when you put down things that are important to me, you aren't putting ME down, but this is bullshit. You do it specifically to shut me up. I can see how puffed up you get when you think you've won.

What exactly do you think you've won? What's the prize? Since when is this some sort of competition? And for how long has winning something been more important to you than hurting my feelings? At exactly which point in time did your ego become more important than our friendship?

What kind of friendship is this?

When you condemn something that matters to me, them's fighting words. And when you sniff indifferently at something I am passionate about, you may as well have slapped me in the face - so don't be surprised if I haul off and slap you right back.

I do my best to respect the things that are important to people I care about. If I don't agree, I won't judge you, and I won't try to change your mind. I won't go off on a 5-minute sermon about my view unless you ask me to. Let me repeat: unless you ask me to. And rest assured, if you ask me, I'll tell you. So next time, think before you ask me to tell you how I feel about something. Including you. Think REALLY hard. Because I'm through kissing ass.

Especially since you have never seen fit to kiss my ass in return, for any reason. I'm through stroking your dick - excuse me - ego. Find someone else to do that. I'm sure you'll have no problem finding another follower.

Right now, I'm wondering if I was ever really anything more than that.