It was actually a pretty crappy weekend. I made an incredible, mind-blowing SNAFU, which resulted in my going completely AWOL to something I had promised to attend. For most of the day Sunday, I felt absolutely horrible, that I had let down a bunch of people who I really wanted to help. It was an honest mistake, but a whopper. I was depressed and self-flagellating for hours.
And then I let it go.
Today, I am filled with goodwill, and this sort of low-level contentment. This deep, underlying calm, and a feeling that everything's going to be alright.
Ever since last August I have been ITCHING - literally - for autumn to come. My allergies (and anxieties) were worse this year than I can remember them being in a very long time. While everyone around me was cavorting about in shorts and sandals, desperately trying to make the most of the oppressive yet rapidly dissipating heat, lamenting the end of summer and the beginning of sweater season, I was counting the days and gritting my teeth with impatience. All I could think about was crisp, cool, breathable air, utterly devoid of pollen and stinging insects. I couldn't WAIT for the first freeze!
Ahhhh. I have now breathed freely through two gorgeous fall weekends, last weekend here in the Hudson Valley, and the weekend before in Massachusetts. The amazing vibrant colors in the trees, the sweet clear air... two weeks ago at our friend's house in Weymouth, I did cartwheels in the backyard. I almost sprained my wrist, but I did one whole revolution, feet over head. And a backbend. The grass was soft and slightly damp under my hands. The sun was warm and the air was cool and the breeze was chilly, making me feel alive. I felt safe.
Last weekend I made Tuscan Pumpkin White Bean Soup, a recipe from the Weight Watchers website. I found it to be a bit bland so I added several spices, and it came out savory and velvety. I froze several serving to bring to work. I've bought apples and pears and downloaded recipes for pies. Tonight I saw eggnogg at the store! Last Sunday, I went to Michael's and bought enough yarn to knit some holiday presents. I'm already planning to make cookies for the guys who run the auto body shop in our neighborhood. They take such great care of our cars, and are such nice guys, they deserve some cookies. G and I have already blocked out our calendars for the annual drive west to spend the holidays with my parents with a visit to his sister on the way. All these signs of fall, and preparation for the winter.
Mmmm, warm wool sweaters and socks and hot chocolate. After driving in all kinds of snow last year, even that doesn't phase me now.
Bring it on.