A New Alzheimer's Drug was approved not too long ago. I haven't had the opportunity read about it until today. I have an interest in these things, since my Grandma suffers from the advanced stages of what her doctors call an "Alzheimer's-like Syndrome." Which basically means that she has Alzheimer's, minus a few identifying symptoms.

My Grandma was my best friend in the world for most of my life. I am her only grandchild, so you can imagine how strong that bond is. It gets better. Mom is her only child. Poor grandma was just not built for having kids; Mom’s birth was very difficult for her and it took her years of trying, so once Mom was born, that was it. Between the 3 of us, Mom and Grandma and I comprise all 3 earth signs: Taurus, Capricorn and Virgo respectively. We also totally embody the 3 aspects of the divine feminine: maiden, mother and crone. We have been a pretty formidable force for years, when we are together. The knowledge that one side of this amazing trio will soon be leaving this earth is almost too much to handle. My Mom and I talk several times a week. It's not easy.

Grandma's disease has progressed very slowly. She started out just forgetting more and more things. Then she began having a hard time keeping food down. Walking became more and more difficult. Then the tremors in her hands became more and more pronounced. Then she became confused and paranoid. Finally the basic toilet functions went out the window. Now she can do nothing at all herself. I mean nothing. She can't even talk most of the time, she sort of babbles into the phone at me. Mom still dresses her up like a little doll, in her favorite red clothes, makes sure her nails and hair are done, because Grams is miserable if she feels like she looks less than her best. However, Grandma thinks that my Mom is her Mom and that my Dad is her brother Bill - both of whom have been dead since the 1950's. She hallucinates. She screams and kicks and bites when you try to wash her face. Her rage attacks are incredible. She doesn't know who I am anymore, really. She recognizes my face, and knows I'm someone very special to her... but she can't make the connection that I'm her granddaughter, and she can’t think of my name, even when I’m sitting in front of her saying “Do you remember my name, Grandma?” The first time I realized this I freaked out and cried for days. That was over two years ago.

The positive thing in all this is that my Dad is a Mental Health professional who has spent a significant portion of his career specializing in geriatric disease syndromes. He knows all the research and medicinal practices going back to the 1980's. He headed up an Alzheimer’s wing at a hospital for awhile. He teaches classes in it. Neurology, neuropsychology and neurobehavioral syndromes are his bag. He has received national awards for his work in the field. (Yeah, I'm bragging, I'm proud.) Anyway, he knows all the doctors who have the best knowledge of this. Grandma couldn't be getting better care. She also has a fantastic cocktail of meds, which her doctors adjust from time to time when certain symptoms become more pronounced. She is always clean, well fed, and generally in good spirits. My mother dances with her when she takes her from room to room, humming little tunes and bopping along in front of grandma's walker. It's adorable. Grandma giggles. Whenever I visit them I live to hear that giggle and see her smile.

The latest Alzheimer's drug takes a different tack than previous ones. Usually the drugs protect the proper workings of the brain, to slow down the disease process. To quote the article,

"The four other Alzheimer's medications - Aricept, Exelon, Reminyl and Cognex - work by delaying the breakdown of a brain chemical called acetylcholine, which is vital for nerve cells to communicate. In contrast, memantine blocks excess amounts of another brain chemical, called glutamate, that can damage or kill nerve cells.".

My grandma is already too far along. Her disease stage is far too advanced for this to have any effect except to prolong her agony.

The thing is, I want her back, and know I can never have that again. The lady who was so much fun to go shopping with and gossip about men with is already gone to me. My Mom misses her Mom dreadfully. Mom and I have each other, but we're sad. We just miss her so much, already, and she's still living in the house. At least, her body is, and her stubborn spirit. It's the mind that's all but gone.

I’ll be seeing her at Thanksgiving when I fly home to visit.

A couple of weeks ago, my parents had to move her to a nursing home. It’s a good home, but this is never an easy thing. They try to see her every day but I know that’s hard to do. I don’t know how I’m going to feel, seeing her there. I don’t know how the house is going to feel without her in it. I want to make a pumpkin pie and feed her some. She’ll love it, she likes desserts. One of the many things we have in common.

So, that’s my entry about my Grandma. She’s been symptomatic for around 4-5 years now. My memories of her stretch back for 30 years. I have tons of photos of her, of her and me and Mom together. When I have a daughter someday, that’s how she’ll get to know her great-grandma, augmented by stories from me and my Mom.

Crap, its late. Gotta run. Tomorrow’s entry will be more upbeat.