Monday, July 25, 2005

Beginnings, Endings, and Something in Between

I won't be blogging for awhile. I'm thinking maybe once a month. Until late April.

Classes at the Institute for Massage Therapy run Monday and Thursday evenings from 5:45 to 10:45 pm. In addition, I'll have some weekends where I'm in class from 9am to 6pm Saturday AND Sunday. There are a couple of months where I'll have two long weekends in a row. *gasp* On top of that, I have to work in the student clinic giving massages for something like 200 hours. So that'll be done on the remaining week nights and weekends. In addition, I still have to earn money, so I'll be trying to hold down various full-time temp assignments during the days. In my rare free evenings or days, I'm going to try to fit in a yoga class or an extra nap or maybe - maybe - spend some time with friends.

I'm having a great time in class so far. I've spent last Friday night, all day Saturday and all day yesterday at the Institute learning the basics of Swedish Massage. I've already learned a lot, but this week it gets more intensive. I start Anatomy & Physiology classes on Thursdays, and thank god I worked in healthcare for several years and already know a lot of terminology. I'm really excited about the path before me.

My Momma's old Buick is doing just fine so far. Six runs back and forth to Pompton Lakes up and down 287 don't seem to have stressed her. I poured a bottle of gunk into her full gas tank and promised I'd keep her healthy, if she'll just get me through this year. She's eleven years old and has over 100,000 miles on her. I hope we have a deal.

Last night, G and I had a long talk about our future. My old-fashioned midwestern sensibilities have taken hold of me over the last month or so. After dating G for a year and a half, and living with him for five months... I thought we'd be talking engagement by now, but we're not.

At least, he's not.

Getting engaged at this point in my life is the height of impracticality, but then marriage isn't something I think of for practical reasons. The fact that I'm even wanting it at all is a big enough shock. I just signed my divorce papers last week! I thought I'd feel so excited about celebrating my independence that moving forward with G just wouldn't be on my mind. I was wrong.

Maybe in nine months, we'll talk about it again. The training program will be over in nine months, and it will be spring again. I'll be thirty-four. I'll be closer to being out of debt. I'm hoping I'll feel empowered in whole new ways. I'll be ready to take the steps I'm ready to take.

Some things seem more certain than ever, others not. How very ordinary.

I will likely never have a serious corporate job again. It's been a long hard trek into the wind, but the last traces of a career that never existed seem to have blown out of my hair, scattered behind me. Good riddance. I'll never look back.

Looking ahead, I'm excited about the possibility of a new career. I'm nearly giddy about learning enough about something I'm interested in to become nationally certified to do it. I haven't felt this good about anything since I moved to New York.

Outside my apartment right now, there is a squirrel in the yard, collecting nuts, carrying them one at a time up the tree at lightning-speed before disappearing into the trunk. He emerges a few minutes later, looks around, climbs down, and a few minutes after that, dashed back up in a blur. He looks terrified. There is a dog barking somewhere, which is surely locked into someone's gated yard, but that squirrel hears danger. So he runs and grabs as much sustenance as possible while he can, wondering if he'll survive the day.

Inside, Marge is sleeping on the sofa. Her worst worry is whether or not she's being petted enough. She has no idea how lucky she is, how well taken care of she is. She loves G and I, but she has no idea that if it wasn't for me, or Eric before me, she'd be living like that squirrel. She is content with her endless supply of food, water, medicine, clean litter, and love. I imagine she's never dreamed that it might someday disappear.

I guess I'm somewhere in between. I guess we all are.

Have a great summer everyone.


Dr. Zoom said...

Wow ... I'm feeling a keen sense of loss right about now.

This is just your way of forcing me to pick up the slack, isn't it?

A big hug to you. Hold on during your "In Between Days."

Brian said...

Best wishes D!

Jess said...

It sounds like you have exciting times ahead. I hope you continue to enjoy your new direction in life and that you always have your own clean litter! ;)