In my dreams, you are kind to me.
You speak to me as though we are old friends, rather than adversaries. You smile, and there is no veil over your eyes. You stand close to me, not a few feet back as though you are afraid I might touch you. You are unafraid of me, unafraid of our past, our present, or our future. You are happy.
In my dreams, when you are kind to me, I learn from you. I can see into your mind. You say quiet, simple things, and there is no mystery in the things you say.
You sang to me a couple of weeks ago. Not really to me, but you sang in my presence, when there was nobody else around. We were lying on the grass in some park, you on your back, looking up at the sky, me on my side, looking at you. It was a simple song, something a guy would know, some sort of folk rock ditty with no accompaniment. You idly sang to the wind… “I jumped in to my camaro…” The song sounds so familiar, yet I can’t place it. I would have laughed but something about the moment made laughter feel inappropriate. I just smiled, and listened closely: “If I had a big balloon, I’d sail out to sea… I know I should come away, so you can go to me…” I placed my hand on your chest to feel the warmth, the subtle vibrations of life within you. You were real.
I’m glad you know you should come away. I should be able to go to you, someday, someday soon.
And yet, even if I can’t…
I want to be old friends with you. I want to be happy and whole when I am with you. I want to smile, and feel that nothing needs to be hidden. I want to be unafraid, happy, and light. Don’t you want that too?
Will we ever be at ease again? Will we ever be “over it?” I think there is something we are missing, a state of mind that falls outside the continuum of “in love” to “devastated” to “over it.” Something non-linear that we haven’t been able to touch.
In my dreams, we are there.
If anyone can identify the song lyrics, please let me know.