Thursday, March 05, 2009


I need to vent. This is just so hard.

I just feel paralyzed. It takes phenomenal effort to do ANYTHING. I managed to shower and get dressed, but I'm having... er, female difficulties, suggesting that the gym isn't the best place for me today. So now I'm thinking I should change into something warmer and walk around the block.

I went for that walk yesterday and was MISERABLE. I felt AWFUL. Today I'll bring the iPod, maybe that will help?

I've had people suggest books on tape, but I wasn't impressed with iTunes' selection. Maybe I'll just get something. I have to get out of my own head.

I am so IRRITABLE. Even if I had someone to talk to and walk with, I think I'd be lousy company. Who'd put up with me in this condition? I hate inflicting myself on others, especially people I care about, when I'm like this. But in all honesty, it's when I'm like this that I need people the most.

I am fucking high maintenance, and I HATE IT.

I know I can't expect to see any real effect from the Prozac yet, it's only been 8 days. But knowing that better days are (supposedly) coming is, I think, making me impatient. It's making me have even less tolerance for myself.

I'm furious with myself for being like this today. I gave myself a pass yesterday because Tuesday was so awesome. But today I need to be BACK ON THE HORSE.

Now watch, I'll post this.... and then what?

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

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