take the WHAT INTENTIONAL TORT ARE YOU test.
and go to mewing.net. because law school made laura do this.
POST THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS QUIZ, WHICH IS WAY OVER MY HEAD ANYWAY:
Today I spoke with two different brokers from Citihabitats. I spoke with them because they are showing my apartment to nice young couples who are going to take this place right out from under me. It didn't take much for them to realize that I wasn't exactly happy to be moving. I wound up entertaining them with my whole sad "I kicked out dirty girl and couldn't find anyone else in time to save my lease" story.
Well, what do you know! In a turn of fate, two very nice young brokers have taken pity on me, and are scouring their listings for a new home for MzOuiser. That rents for $1000/month or less. That's big enough to hold my living room furniture. That's in Manhattan or Astoria. (twitter)
Dream on, mad fools. It doesn't exist. And you won't talk me into renting a studio for $1000 and selling or storing my furniture, because a)I like my furniture and b)I don't have the money to pay both rent and storage at the same time.
I know I smell like money, and no amount of coconut shampoo makes it go away. I see the evidence of my currency-scent every time I walk anywhere near an electronics or phone store, or if there is a homelss person within a 50-yard radius. Or a straight guy in ripped jeans and a concert T-shirt in a bar. But I had no idea that my eau-de-dinero comes through over the phone. Maybe if they could have seen my outfit they would have realized how poor I really am.
What the hell. I'm in a short skirt today. I'll sit here on my ass and let you knock yourselves out trying to find me a way-below-market-value place. Go ahead and try for that fat broker's fee. Nobody's that good.
Although, if anybody does manage to get a broker's fee out of me, I may have to be forced to re-examine my position on New York City.
However, the most likely scenario still involves me paying next years' taxes somewhere else.
Story not yet over. Stay tuned.