Sunday, January 07, 2007


Sometime early this morning, I'm awakened by some weird groping going on around my stomach. It's still pitch black outside. I scoot a few inches away from G, who is still asleep, but apparently is feeling frisky. I go back to sleep.

I wake up again, barely, and pry open my eyelids. It's just barely dawn. G is groping me again. This time it's pretty clear what he's thinking. His hands are hitting the er, target areas, but the rest of him is completely inert. It's just these disembodied, overly excited arms and hands, grabbing me like a ball of sourdough. I'm too sleepy for this, and really, so is he. I ignore him and backslide into slumber.

Next thing I know, I'm dreaming that I'm in bed with this guy. Now, I've never had sex with a paraplegic before, so I don't really know what it's like, but I imagine G's over-activity with the upper limbs might have prompted my imagination to ponder whether or not this is what it's like. After all, I have seen Dr. Zoom at the Springfield Muni Opera dance auditions, jigging around that wheelchair with more soul than any ballet company twink, spinning on one wheel and performing all sorts of acrobatics with those impressively developed arms of his. I suppose it's only natural that, somewhere in my subconscious, I might have imagined what it might be like to be tossed around a bit by those arms.

Uh, it bears mentioning that I've known Dr. Zoom and his wife for years, and although the man is adorable, and a lot of fun, I wouldn't DREAM of messing with him. Mrs. Zoom is an open-minded soul, but she's bigger than me. She could throw me clear across town with one betchslap. So... yeah. Just sayin'.

Zoom's persistent though, in this dream of mine, so I climb on top of him and say "let's get this over with quick, ok?" I may never forget the expression of crazed glee on his face.

When I wake up, G is sleeping a polite few inches' distance from me. I poke him. He slits his eyes and peers out at me, expressionless.

"You were awful frisky this morning," I snarl.

"Yeah," he mumbles, closing his eyes.

"Because of you I had a sex dream!" I tell him, loudly.

"Sorry," he murmurs, rolling away from me.

"It was about ZOOM!"

G is motionless. "...damn," he mumbles. He's out.

Grumpy, I fall back sound asleep. This time, it's glorious. Dark, quiet, unmolested, early morning snoozzzz.....


I sense brightness through my closed eyelids. I lift my lashes just enough to peek out, and there is a tiny grey nose sniffing me right between the eyes. "YEEOW," the nose says. I roll my eyes to the right. G is gone. I can hear the shower. G's in the shower, I think to myself. I'm awake.

"You little fucker," I say as I'm scratching Marge between the ears. She purrs loud enough to rattle the dishes in the cupboards.


Anonymous said...

So I wanna know...when the cat started licking you...why didn't you start dreaming about me???
Mrs. Zoom

Anonymous said...

Ahhh, that's my betch-slappin' baby. I guess "getting some zzz's" will have a new meaning for you now? ;)